Sexy, Sexy Flowers

What do you think of when you think of flowers? You think ‘pretty’, you think ‘guilt’, you think ‘wouldn’t it be nice if somebody sent me some’, but you hardly ever, except in the case of a few suggestively-shaped tropical blooms, think ‘sexy’. Of course, red roses do carry a cachet of meaning, but that’s socially imposed. But whether they’re the curved, spiky petals of chrysanthemums, the zig-zag edges of carnations, the straight-forward daisy, or the innocent-looking sweet alyssum , they are saying, in their own way, ‘Hey there, big boy’! Because, lovely though they are, those petals and scents are a screaming come-on to—pollinators. And those flowers are not only easy, they are kinky as all get-out. Most of them want to attract pollinators that are not only not the same species, but whole different kingdoms—insects and birds. Just imagine if...no, better not.

So that’s where the phrase ‘the birds and the bees’ comes from. It’s really ‘the birds and the bees and the flowers’. But it’s not the best way to teach Sex Ed, since the birds and bees, by brushing the pollen from the anthers onto the pistil are simply enabling the flower to impregnate itself. There are some plants that are wind-pollinated. Wind doesn’t care what a flower looks or smells like, so guess what? Plants that are wind-pollinated (think corn) don’t look or smell gorgeous. They just hang their silk out in the breeze.

Other plants have both male and female flowers (squashes; makes zucchini a little more interesting, eh?), and with others, there are actually separate male and female plants. The red holly berries grow on the female tree only, but there had better be a male one nearby!

There are a few lonely souls among plants that replicate themselves without sex, poor things. Oxalis is one of those.

So the next time you buy or receive flowers, you may be looking at them in a completely different way!

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